In this article, we’ll explore why so many women freeze when the opportunities they’ve worked for arrive — a pattern I call “The Roller Coaster Effect.” You’ll learn what it is, why it happens, and how to overcome it.

I’ve seen this dynamic in many of the women I’ve coached in their careers, where they get clear on something they want, and then it walks into their life, and all of a sudden, they freeze up, get scared, and think, “ I’m not ready.”

This is what we call The Roller Coaster Effect in women’s careers.

What is the Roller Coaster Effect in Women’s Careers? 

The Roller Coaster Effect in women’s careers is the moment when a long-desired opportunity finally arrives and, instead of feeling ready, you panic, freeze, or pull back. 

It’s that emotional “tip over the edge” feeling—like gripping the bars of a roller coaster just before the drop—where self-doubt, fear of disappointing others, or imposter syndrome makes you hesitate, downplay yourself, or even say no.

Time after time, I’ve seen women freeze up and say no to career-changing opportunities. 

So maybe you were job searching, and someone says, “I’m looking for someone to head this new department. I think you’d be great. Let’s start talking about it.” And you think, “I’m not ready,” or “I’m looking for something else.”

Maybe you push off the conversation. Or maybe you show up for the conversation, but you don’t truly own it. I’ve seen it happen again and again, and I’ve seen it happen to myself as well.

There’ve been moments where I just wanted to slow down the ride, and I thought, Uh oh, I’m about to get on the roller coaster. It’s time for me to say yes, even though I don’t feel ready, and to just let it go. 

Why Women Say No to Career Opportunities? 

It happens because women are socialized to feel like they can’t disappoint people. They’re socialized to worry about other people’s experiences—other people’s expectations. 

And when an opportunity comes along, the kind of thing you’ve dreamed of that’s ambitious and exciting, all of a sudden, you start to get imposter syndrome. 

This isn’t just anecdotal. In one study, 75% of female executives reported experiencing imposter syndrome in their careers. Moreover, over one-third of women (35%) have had to decline or delay a promotion due to family or personal obligations, nearly double the rate for men.

You think, What if I’m not as good as I think I am? What if I can’t handle this? What if I’m a disappointment? And then you start thinking, What if I didn’t really want this? 

I’ve had students ask me, “What if I was just fired up on my coaching call,” or, “I thought I could do this, but I was wrong.” 

And then you may not say no, but you’ll do self-sabotaging things to slow down that Roller Coaster Effect and to have those opportunities pass you by. 

So in effect, you’ve marshaled your energy to get the things you want, and then you’ve said, “Actually, no, I don’t want that.” And those opportunities and potential future opportunities pass you by because you’ve shifted the energy that you’ve put up there. 

There are a lot of situations we put women in, where they’re focused on other people’s experiences. They’re putting other people first. Even the idea of “she led him on,” which we now know is actually part of the spectrum of behavior that leads to sexual violence, boundary-crossing, and a lack of consent. 

That basic concept is still embedded in the way we socialize girls and women and lead them to make sure they feel 100% totally perfectly ready. They’ll have someone else sign off on it before they’ll say yes to an opportunity. 

Overcoming the Roller Coaster Effect: Saying Yes Before You Feel Ready

And the truth is, most opportunities that you will grow in, that will stretch you, that will feel like you’re really living at your potential won’t be opportunities you feel 100% ready for.  Here are some tips to help you say yes, even before you feel 100 percent ready: 

1. Name your fear: When you feel the “I’m not ready” panic, literally say (or write) the fear: “I’m afraid I’ll disappoint people” or “I’m worried I can’t handle the workload.” Naming it separates you from it and gives you clarity.
2. Break the career opportunity into micro-steps: Instead of thinking, “I have to nail the whole job/role from day one,” ask: “What’s the very next small action I can take?” Saying yes to the first step feels less overwhelming.
3. Remind yourself of past wins: Keep a quick list of times you felt unready but succeeded anyway. Revisiting your own evidence helps override impostor thoughts.
4. Use “Yes, and…” language: If part of the offer feels daunting, respond with “yes, and” instead of “no” or “maybe later.” For example: “Yes, I’d love to discuss leading this department, and I’d like to talk about resources/training to set me up for success.”
5. Reframe growth as experimentation: Remind yourself that opportunities are experiments, not final judgments of your worth. It’s a test-and-learn mindset, which lowers stakes.
6. Set a “Pre-commitment”: Before you even start searching for new roles or pitching ideas, make a private agreement with yourself: “If an opportunity appears that matches my criteria, I’ll say yes to the first conversation no matter how nervous I feel.” This removes decision paralysis in the moment.

So the next time you’re experiencing The Roller Coaster Effect, I want you to imagine that I’m whispering in your ear, saying, “It’s okay. You can handle this ride.” 

There might be four loop-de-loops, and yeah, that’s a little scary, and your stomach’s going to jump, but you will be okay. You can handle this ride. And even if you freak out, you’ll get yourself through it because that’s the way you can grow into your full potential.